life and death

so i'm not sure how i'm supposed to be happy for my wedding right now. it's beginning to just feel like the next major stress in my life. one huge thing to worry about, that gets in the way of spending time with those i will not be able to see for much longer.

aunt sue is not doing well. i can see it, the doctors and my parents say it. it's not pretty, grotesque.

never should i be has happy and excited as i should be now, the weeks before my wedding. but i'm not. i'm grieving grandma's death on saturday and the fact that aunt sue won't last forever.

God?