poetry

in not for

give in, keep moving
no standing allowed.
no waiting in queue.
if this is life
it is meant to be lived.

where tomorrow stopped.
the moments are frozen,
melting, dripping, plunking
against my face.
i have today.


iced droplets sting,
take on some warmth.
wait under this
unfriendly, melting mass
i would drown.

ground moves, feet follow,
body forward, hands straining.
a brush, a prick, a stab, a scream.
velocity increases, pain intense.
this is living.
no more waiting.

why? when?

he's spending the whole weekend with his best friend....she's in love with him. is this jealousy or concern? she's wonderful, i know she is. i want to meet her becasue i believe we'd be friends and we have a lot in common. we both see his lopsided smile, the way his eyes swim with green and seem to find our eyes at the perfect moment. we both see a burning passion inside of him for all that is pure, truthful and lovely. we see Christ in him. we see a man who can love beyond all others, skinny, with floppy hair and the best arms to hug us with. we find art. he creates music that pierces through every bone in our bodies and lodges itself in our souls. we both see our friend, she sees the man she loves, i see the man my heart has grown fonder of.

he makes us alive.

why now? when will it end?

the pain in the process is making beauty out of nothing, God crafting his creatures into his will, forcing all three of us to depend solely on the love and soverignty of our holy God.

anger

when will DR leave me alone? it's been nearly a year.

move on with life. and please, leave my friends alone.

there's another, there were others after you. never during, never even thoughts of others while i was with you. just frustration and questions, i doubted and i tried hard, i pretended that everything was okay in hopes that something would make sense. the problem wasn't fixed. it was left to fend for itself. and so things fall apart. i'm happy. i'm living my life discovering things, people, places.

i'm okay with waiting this time. with my best friends i don't need anything else. God sustains, God blesses. He is to whom i cling and praise Him for the friend he has given to me.

question

does anyone know this exists?

i saw a flaming shooting start tonight. i was with a boy. we are friends, he's my best boy (space) friend here at school. he's wonderful. Thank you God for Pierce.

a boy...

pierce kissed me and we held hands. it was the most beautifully, innocently pure kiss i have ever received. he's my friend and i have affections for him. he is kind and beautiful and makes me laugh. he is a man of passions and of God. i am thankful he is in my life.