strange days

i'm happy. i'm sad. i'm dissapointed. i'm frustrated. i'm in awe. i'm creative. i'm behind.

i miss how things were with pierce. i need to talk to him some more. i miss him. his laugh. i miss lots of things. i miss kyle. i want to drink vodka and spend hours talking while we smoke cigarettes from a window on a cool night. i miss being near a friend like him. i miss chenry and his hugs for no reason. i miss being curled up in a chair with him while we watch tv or sit tangled while we catch up on what we've missed the past several months. i miss justin making me think and forcing emotion behind. i miss him calling me out and pushing my thoughts and making me laugh and teasing me about boys.

i miss freedom.

this is pathetic. where is my joy?