bursting frustration

so, last night i e-mailed meg, case, kate, cam and justin to eat supper together. well....i check my e-mail right before supper and find that meg and case have changed supper time and only told justin and cam b/c meg had to work. so here i am feeling shitty, exhuasted and hungry.

i walk in nearly in tears out of my anger and tiredness. they girls don't even notice. justin asked me if i was okay and later said he could tell i was almost crying. cam and justin had an akward supper with them. and the girls were so oblivious to what i had been doing. never mind this has been the ONLY thing i've been doing the past two weeks.

God says to love. i'm not being very loving. but kate and i and everyone else keep getting screwed over by them and it seems that they don't even notice. i don't even care anymore. i want to tell them what i'm thinking and feeling but it wont' matter or make a difference.

david and pierce are sweet. so are cam and justin. and colin and steve. and lots of other people who love me. and i still want to hug kyle. he can keep his arm around me and i won't mind.

(sometimes there's smiles and sometime's there's shit.)