screams in the sunlight

why aren't poeple allowed to scream more often. i need to, want to scream in the sunshine. it's not just the dark night and the emotions that it heightens that drives me to this, but the overwhelming sense of life i feel when hours of warmth interrupt a cold winter, rays burst past the windows and try to penetrate my bare skin. i want it to work faster, harder, deeper until my lungs are so filled with warmed breath that it has to stream out of my body and join the air around me.

i want to love and be loved. i want to think deeply and purely. i want to love God, but i'm sucking at that part right now. i want all emotions and no apathy about everything. i want entertianment but never amusument for the first is far more engaging. i want my family, my friends to realize how woven into me they have become. i want to see my friends who lives far distances from me but are never more than a thought away. i want people to see and know the truth, my honesty. so much life, so much living all coupled with pain and beauty each aspect confirming that my God is real, more real than i am, confirming of my identity in Him. the next thing is always a suprise.