a hug

i want a real hug, one from ben, or matt. i want ben to hold me in his arms and sigh with happiness and then put his head on mine and sniff in the scent of my hair. he'd say, "bekah i missed you so much." he wouldn't be able to see my face, but against his chest he could feel my smile, larger than the room. and in that moment all my memories and pains from school and life would coming rushing together before quickly dissapearing in his lovely smell and embrace. we would spend some hours in conversation and laughter just allowing the nearess of each other to comfort and make up for lost time.

friendship so beautiful it is not love. love better be deep if it's going to get beyond this.

i miss ben and i love ben.